


Homesick for Time

by IndecisiveScribbler



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Homesick Lance (Voltron), I havent seen season 4 yet, Panic Attack, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), So yeah, anxiety attack, coran shows up for a bit, keith calms him down, klance, lance has a panic attack, pidge is mentioned briefly, space travel and time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 21:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12374133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndecisiveScribbler/pseuds/IndecisiveScribbler
Summary: Lance has a panic attack because time is fake in space, and Kieth comforts him.Rated T for minor language.  (like minor minor minor, but still there sooo...)





	Homesick for Time

**Author's Note:**

> Eternal thanks to @thehoodiegang on tumblr for reading over this before I posted it! (You're the best)
> 
> So yeah, trigger warning for panic attack, if you didn't get that from the tags.

The worst thing about being in space is that there's no cycle of days. You're stuck in an eternal darkness, a night stretching to infinity with the only semblance of time being the droning technology around you. Lance had been prepared for this; the Garrison was, after all, a space training school. They all knew the problem with time that astronauts had. Especially once you added in things like relativity... it was enough to make anyone's head hurt. 

The thing was, those earth astronauts had connections to places on earth. They could radio mission control and chat about what was going on. The International Space Station had internet and its people were connected to the earth. Everyone that had been sent out had some kind of external connection that helped them with time. Even if they went off the grid for a bit, they eventually came back on, and got caught up quickly. 

However, the castle was on its own. There was no home base with which to connect to find out the actual time. There was no solid point of reference. They could leave an alien planet at midnight in winter, and show up at another at noon in summertime within a few minutes. Jet lag couldn't even begin to describe what the feeling was. It made you realise how fake time really was. 

 

The first time that it had really bothered Lance, he had talked to Coran. He had found him tinkering under a panel in one of the many labyrinthine halls of the castle. 

"Whatcha working on there?" Lance had asked tentatively, biting his cheek and clenching his hands. He wasn't going to freak out, it was just his stupid thoughts. 

Coran jumped, bumping his head, and with a yelped "Quiznack!" He slid out of the alcove and righted himself, rubbing his head before straightening his mustache. "Ah, Lance! I didn't see you sneaking up on me here. What was that you were saying?"

"What are you working on?" Lance made an effort to sound normal. Man, he really shouldn't be freaking out this much over something as stupid as time. 

"Nothing much, I suppose," Coran grinned and turned back to the panel, tentatively sneaking his head and arms in again. "Just some minor repairs on some lighting and tech things. The frucabal defrabulac is acting up, so I figured I'd pop in and give it a good skadoodle." He emphasized his words with some clicks and bangs and whirring from his work. Lance could never tell if the words Coran said were Altean, or ones that he had made up. Either way, Lance didn't have a clue what he was talking about. 

"Cool, cool," he said, nodding. "Hey, speaking of lighting," he paused for a second, reminding himself to slow down. Deep breath. "Does the castle have, like, a day and night cycle or something? Like, lighting wise?" He waited eagerly. Please be yes, he thought to himself. 

"As a matter of fact it does," Coran beamed through his words, though he was still half hidden in the alcove. "No self respecting ship could ever go without a cycle of days. Why, when my grandfather built the place, that was one of the most obvious things to install. It's a mix of science and art, you see. If you just have a dimmer, then, well, the coloring is all wrong. And different planets have different color sunsets and-"

"That's pretty cool," Lance interjected, not all that interested at the moment in the specifics. "So," sound casual, he thought. "If the castle's got it, why don't we turn it on?" 

"Hmm," Coran pensively hummed. "You know, I hadn't thought of it. I've been working on some other fixes, but next chance I'll get I'll go up and program it. Are your sunsets green or red?"

Lance blinked for a second, trying to get his thoughts to come together in a line and remember sunsets. Was it even possible to have a green sunset? "Uh, I guess kinda red. More orange-ish yellow maybe?"

"Wonderful!" Coran said, not looking up from his work. Lance took that as a sign to leave. 

"Thanks, Coran," he called out as he walked away. 

"Not a problem!" Coran yelled back. 

 

Coran was a busy person. He was always up to some repair or political thing or another. It had taken him a couple days - or what felt like days; Lance didn't really know anymore what was what - to get the cycle of the castle started. Lance had to admit, the gradual change in lighting in a reliable manner did help a bit. But it didn't completely relax the uneasy feeling he had. It was like being stuck in a Las Vegas hotel where they didn't want you to recognise the passing of time so you would gamble all your money away. 

At least with the change in lightning, Lance felt a little better. It was a couple weeks at least before he felt it again. As he got used to the lighting, he began to realise its shortcomings. Sure, it helped when day was changing to night, if you could call the shift from awake to sleep time that, but it didn't really help with the passing of the night or day. Gradually, the lost feeling was returning. Lance found himself lying awake in bed, biting his cheek to keep from screaming or crying or whatever, clenching his covers as tight as possible. In his head, it was a stupid feeling. He had much bigger things to worry about, like survival. But one cannot control feelings any more than once can change the composition of a star by simply staring at it. 

 

One night, it was worse than usual. 

They had just gotten back from a mission, and everyone was exhausted. They had been on a planet for an entire day cycle, and had began to see the night cycle before leaving. When they got back to the ship, though, the timing was at noonish. Regardless, they all meandered with half closed eyes back to their rooms. Lance swept his armour off, leaving it on a haphazard pile that he was sure to trip on tomorrow. 

Tomorrow. 

Wait, when was tomorrow? 

He slipped into his pajamas, slowly noticing his hands start to shake. All he wanted to do was sleep. He must be simply worn out. That was it. Yep. Nothing to do with the lack of time and the arbitrary nature of it causing his whole structure of life to be a manufactured lie. Haha... he collapsed onto the bed, swirling the covers up around himself to make a protective ball. He needed to just shut his mind up so he could sleep. Was that too much to ask? 

But of course, minds never listen to their hosts. So amid the incessant repeated tune of "Sweet Caroline" that was stuck in his head at an increasing tempo, he thought about the things he hated to think about. 

If time was different everywhere, any time they created was false. There was no universal measure of time. Time travel wasn't a thing, then. Because time wasn't a strange medium, but an arbitrary concept. They were just floating around. Nothing. It could be Christmas, it could be his birthday, he would never know. Time was ticking all around him though. Minutes and seconds flying by at the speed of light. If time was relative, then maybe he wasn't experiencing time at all. The castle was going so fast, they were passing by all sorts of things. And for them time would seem to be moving faster. All the people at home would be moving around faster than Lance was. 

He jolted up to a sitting position, covering his ears with his hands and bringing his knees to his chest. His breathing started coming out in ragged gasps, and tears unwillingly came to his eyes. 

All his cousins and siblings and family could be ageing without him knowing. He was missing out on birthdays and holidays and family gatherings. They might have already given him up for dead, like they did Shiro all that time ago. And if he ever got back, they'd all be so much older and he'd be the same. Different and outcasted because he didn't age like they did. 

He couldn't catch his breath. Tears were now freely coming from his eyes, and when he tried to breathe it came out in short sobbing gasps. He curled up tighter, clenching his fingers in his hair. 

People in his family could die without him knowing. He couldn't say goodbye, couldn't have that last conversation. His older sister was pregnant; the baby had probably already been born, and would never know him. He was so excited to be uncle Lance. Now they baby might be a kid or a teenager or who knows how time worked? 

Lance felt his hands start to go numb, as well as his lips. Still unwillingly sobbing, he brought his hands in front of his face, staring at them. He needed to breathe; why couldn't he breathe? Why couldn't he feel his hands? His thoughts switched unintelligibly between despair about his family and worry about himself. 

 

There was a knock on the door, and he jumped, wide eyed. Nope nope nope, no one could see him like this. Nope. 

"Hey Lance," Keith's voice called from the other side of the door. "Do you have Pidge's phone thing?" 

Lance tried to get his voice under control. "N-no." He called back, wincing at his voice. "I-I think- I think H-Hunk had it last." He shook silently, hoping Keith hadn't noticed his sobbing voice, even though it was pretty obvious. 

"Lance are you alright?" Keith's voice had bucketfuls of concern loaded on it. He sounded half ready to burst down the door to save Lance from whatever it was that was making him sound so distraught. 

"I-I'm fine, Keith," Lance called. 

"No, you're not. I'm coming in." Keith opened the door and caught sight of Lance curling further in on himself, shaking with sobs. No more hiding it now. Cats out of the bag. Keith had to think he was the weakest most inconvenient thing ever. 

"Lance," Keith's voice was surprisingly soft. He quickly sat in front of Lance, hands out as if to help but unsure quite what to do. "What's wrong?" He whispered out. 

It was like breaking a dam. Lance suddenly couldn't keep back everything anymore; there was someone willing to listen and he hadn't realized how much he need that until now. He brokenly sobbed out about missing his family, and how they were all pointlessly floating along without time, and how scared that made him, and it freaked him out, and how stupid it all was, and how he was a burden to everyone, and now oh god he couldn't breathe and he couldn't feel his hands and he was shaking and-

Keith grabbed his hands. "It's alright, Lance. You're alright. It's going to be fine." He rubbed circles with his thumbs on Lance's hands. Lance closed his eyes, still shaking out sobbed breaths, but stopped talking. He focused on the barely there feeling of Keith's hands through the numbness. 

"I think you're having a panic attack, Lance." Keith said, not stopping his rhythm. He kept his voice calm and rhythmic, as if reading a story to a child. "I need you to try and breathe with me."

"Fuck that," Lance snapped back silently, almost mouthing the words as opposed to speaking them. He hated that he was yelling at Keith. He knew Keith was trying to help. But it wasn't just as simple as trying to breathe. That's what he'd been trying to do, and clearly that wasn't working. 

"I know," Keith kept calm, his face expressionless and unaffected. He placed one of Lance's hands on his chest. Lance's stomach dropped at the close contact, but he didn't think too much on it. His fingers pulsed with his own numbing, racing heartbeat, and met the constant beat of Keith's heart. "Focus on my breathing, Lance," Keith said, looking earnestly into his eyes. He was trying to convince Lance in any way possible that he was there, that this was real, that he wasn't a drifting particle of infinity. 

Lance tried, he really did. He stared at their hands, his below Keith's, and felt Keith's chest rise and fall. The only sound was his own hyperventilating sobs and Keith's calm, constant breaths. There wasn't enough going on in Lance's mind, though. Just that one thing to focus on, and nothing to keep his thoughts from racing to everything else. He snatched his hand away, curling up into himself once more. "I can't, I can't, I can't," he repeated the words over and over between heaving breaths, speaking them to the point their meaning was ruined into unintelligible sounds. 

"Lance." Keith reached out for him, faltered, then regained his confidence. He wasn't much of a hugging person but... "Lance," said more firmly, capturing him in an embrace. "It'll be alright."

"How do you know?" Lance managed to get out. His breaths were quieter now, finally starting to slow down. Something about having someone hold him, tightly keeping him all together, had a calming effect. 

Keith was silent a moment. "I know because we're going to defeat the Galra Empire. We're going to make the universe stable, and take a trip back home and take a break." Keeping his tight grip on Lance, he looked at the wall as if it held the secrets to the future. "And when we get there we're going to prove to the entirety of the Garrison that you're an amazing pilot, and they can eat their words while staring in awe. Then you're going to take me to see your family - and they better be as good as you keep saying they are." Keith paused a second, looking down at Lance. The cadence of Keith's voice and breathing had allowed him to finally get his own breathing under control. He took deep, slow breaths, almost marveling at the way lungs take in air. 

"And then," Keith said, "I'm going to try your mom's cooking, because you and hunk won't shut up about it."

Lance let out a little laugh. They let the silence fall between them for a moment. 

"Thanks, Keith," Lance said quietly. Neither of them had removed themselves from the hug. Keith nodded, trusting that though Lance couldn't see his head, he could feel its movement. 

After a few more moments, Lance pulled back, wiping any stray tears from his face. "Sorry about that," he said, smiling as if to say it was foolish. 

Keith frowned. "Why are you sorry?"

"Well, I just sobbed all over you and kept you from sleeping." Lance took on an argumentative tone. 

"You didn't make me do anything!" Keith's voice got slightly higher, as it did when he argued. "I wanted to make sure you were okay!"

"Well, you didn't need to to that." Lance pouted and looked away. 

"Yes I did," Keith said frustrated. 

"Well I didn't see why."

"Because I care about you, moron." Keith went red with the words, quickly turning away from Lance. 

Lance, for his part, only got a slight blush on his cheeks. "Yeah right."

Keith groaned. "You're infuriating!"

"I thought you said you care about me?" 

"That doesn’t mean you aren't infuriating!"

"Well, you're... you're... you're more furiating than infuriating."

"That's not even a word!"

They kept bickering, both trying and failing to hide their widening smiles and reddening faces. Lance's responses quickly lost energy, however, and Keith noticed that he was struggling to keep his eyes open. 

"You need sleep." Keith said, getting up and making his way to the door. Panic attacks take a lot out of a person. 

"No I don't. You need the sleeps," Lance yawned out, letting himself lay down. 

"Shut up and sleep." Keith walked out of the room. He caught the faint mumblings of Lance's protest as he left. 

He could have sworn it was something along the lines of "you may be pretty, but I'm not listening to you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you soooo much for reading this thing!!!  
> I have yet to see season 4, so this was written without that in mind. We'll see if I can binge it in the next two days while I'm off school....
> 
> Forever grateful if you leave a comment or kudos!  
> Thanks a bunch guys, gals, and everyone between and beyond.


End file.
